Well, it's around 8:20 as I write this. I have to leave for college today at 9:15 so I catch the express bus, ride for 45 minutes, then walk for ten blocks and get to my first class. Then one hour and fifteen minutes later, I go to my second class, and after another hour and some odd minutes, I go home.

I had a nightmare last night about what my first day would be like. I kept saying the wrong things and made two enemies. It scared me like you wouldn't believe. Dear Lord in heaven, please don't let that happen to me at all, let alone today. And please grant me the ability to always pay attention in my classes, and to do my schoolwork and homework above and beyond the expected requirements. That is all I ask. I don't care if I make friends or not, though that would be nice. Oh, and please don't let me come into contact with Hansel, my ex-boyfriend. He attends Hunter too, and I never want to see or hear from him again. I especially don't want to hear from his ex-girlfriend, who also attends Hunter. Please let me do well. Thank you and amen.

Posted by doubleoduck at 8:27 AM EDT

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The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling,
way down in the valley tonight.
There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye,
and a blade shining oh so bright.
There's evil in the air and there's thunder in sky,
and A killer's on the bloodshot streets.
Oh and down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising,
Oh I swear I saw a young boy down in the gutter,
He was starting to foam in the heat.
Oh baby you're the only thing in this whole world
that's pure and good and right.
And wherever you are and wherever you go,
there's always gonna be some light.
But I gotta get out,
I gotta break it out now,
Before the final crack of dawn.
So we gotta make the most of our one night together.
When it's over you know,
We'll both be so alone.
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone when the morning comes.
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone gone gone.
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone when the morning comes.
But when the day is done and the sun goes down,
and the moonlights shining through,
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven,
I'll come crawling on back to you.
I'm gonna hit the highway like a battering ram,
on a silver black phantom bike.
When the metal is hot and the engine is hungry,
and we're all about to see the light.
Nothing ever grows in this rotting old hole.
Everything is stunted and lost.
And nothing really rocks
And nothing really rolls
And nothing's ever worth the cost.
And I know that I'm damned if I never get out,
And maybe I'm damned if I do,
But with every other beat I've got left in my heart,
You know I'd rather be damned with you.
If I gotta be damned you know I wanns be damned,
dancing through the night with you.
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned.
Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned.
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned,
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night
Dancing through the night with you.
Oh baby you're the only thing in this whole world,
that's pure and good and right.
And wherever you are and wherever you go,
there's always gonna be some light.
But I gotta get out,
I gotta break it out now,
Before the final crack of dawn.
So we gotta make the most of our one night together.
When it's over you know,
We'll both be so alone.
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone when the morning comes.
When the night is over
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone gone gone.
Like a bat out of hell
I'll be gone when the morning comes.
But when the day is done and the sun goes down,
and the moonlights shining through,
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven,
I'll come crawling on back to you.
I can see myself tearing up the road,
Faster than any other boy has ever gone.
And my skin is raw but my soul is ripe.
No-one's gonna stop me now,
I gotta make my escape.
But I can't stop thinking of you,
and I never see the sudden curve until it's way too late.
I never see the sudden curve 'till it's way too late.
Then I'm dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun.
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike.
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell.
And the last thing I see is my heart,
Still beating,
Breaking out of my body,
And flying away,
Like a bat out of hell.
Then I'm dying at the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun.
Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike.
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell.
And the last thing I see is my heart.
Still beating, still beating,
Breaking out of my body and flying away,
Like a bat out of hell.
Like a bat out of hell.
Like a bat out of hell.
Oh like a bat out of hell!
Oh like a bat out of hell!
Like a bat out of hell!

---

They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it

You better run, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it

They're out to get you, better leave while you can
Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man
You wanna stay alive, better do what you can
So beat it, just beat it

You have to show them that you're really not scared
You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
They'll kick you, then they beat you,
Then they'll tell you it's fair
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

---

Two days left...

Posted by doubleoduck at 1:01 PM EDT

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Oh, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Oh, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Black Betty had a child, bam-ba-lam
The damn thing gone wild, bam-ba-lam
Said it weren't not o' mine, bam-ba-lam
The damn thing gone blind, bam-ba-lam
I said, oh, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam

Oh, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
She really gets me high, bam-ba-lam
You know that's no lie, bam-ba-lam
She's so right steady, bam-ba-lam
And she's always ready, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam

*cue kick-@$$ guitar solo*

Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
She's from Birmingham, bam-ba-lam
Way down in Alabam', bam-ba-lam
Now she's shakin' that thing, bam-ba-lam
Oh, she makes me sing, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty, bam-ba-LAM!

Posted by doubleoduck at 5:32 PM EDT

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I was clearing all the messages from the message board I have (I'll post the link sometime) when I found this review I wrote on the movie "Identity."

---

May 19th, 2003

I saw the horror flick "Identity" today. In fact, I just got back from the theater. Man, I'm telling you, that thing scared the spit out of me. It's about these ten people who get stranded at a motel in a rainstorm, and just like Agatha Christie's "Ten Little indians," they all die horrible deaths one by one. The freaky part (at first) is that a corresponding numbered key is found on each person as they die. Example: first, this whiney actress gets her head lobbed off, and there's a key with a number 10 on it. This husband of a newlywed couple gets stabbed to death next, and he has a 9 on him. This keeps going and going until there are seemingly only four people left. We then find out (here's the next freaky part, though not the last) that this entire scenario is being played out in the mind of a serial murder convict with TEN multiple personalities, whom are dying off one by one as he is being interrogated the night before his scheduled execution. The motel is really his brain, and the people are each of his personalities. Near the end, only one personality is left. Her name is Paris, and she is a prostitute, though not a typical one-- she has a good soul, and doesn't even act "friendly" to any of the main characters. Anyway, she manages to get away from the motel. The interrogators think she's the only personality left, so they think the killer-personality is dead. So instead of sending the convict to his death, they send him on his way to a hospital. On the way, in a van, a final scenario with Paris plays out in his mind...

Now, listen to this. The convict's mother was a prostitute, just like Paris. He never knew who his father was. She abandoned him when he was nine, and was killed. One of the original ten personalities was a little boy named Timmy, who is the same age as the convict when he lost his mom.

So inside the convict's mind, we see Paris at her new home in Florida, attending to her orange trees. She's digging in the dirt with a hand-rake (or whatever those things are) when she uncovers a motel key with the number 1 on it. She looks up, and there stands Timmy, holding the hand-rake like a weapon. We then see clips showing young Timmy getting the other personalities killed, an evil smile on his young face.

Back in reality, the convict is having spasms. His psychiatrist opens the window to check on him. Big mistake, as the convict has taken on Timmy's role. Timmy says to Paris: "Whores never get a second chance." And as Timmy kills Paris, the convict kills the van's driver and his psychiatrist.

Very, very spooky stuff. IMO, the best horror plays on sanity and pushes it to the limit. This movie has done very well with that. I loved it. It was really good, though not great. I feel it was lacking something, though I can't put my finger on what...

"As I was going up the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
I wish, I wish he'd go away."

---

Only three days until college...

Posted by doubleoduck at 11:45 AM EDT

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Well, I have only five days left until I start my first day of college. I have two classes a day on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday, three classes on Thursday, and no class on Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.

Yesterday, Mom and I went to Hunter to go over my routes to, from, and through school. We also paid a visit to what I think has got to be the greatest sweet shop in the world: Dylan's Candy Bar. There's candy motifs everywhere you look, plus candy-themed music playing throughout the store, and even TVs showing candy-themed videos. They've got practically every popular candy you can imagine, in every flavor. To top it off, they even serve ice cream! I talked to John about the possibility of him visiting the place. Celebrities have actually gone there and signed packages of candy to be put on display. Even Monica Lewinsky has candy there... surprisingly, her candy didn't consist of chocolate cigars. >;)

I got Garbage Pail Kids bubblegum from that store. Yes, they've re-released those cards and stickers! I added them to my collection of stickers Topps released in Mad Magazine. There was an ad in the card pack for this new card game being released in 19 days from now called Creepy Freaks. I checked out the website, www.creepyfreaks.com. While the monsters are interesting, the 3-minute video they had turned me off. It was an animation of these established characters doing an actual battle. It's like a rip-off of Pokemon severely diluted with gross jokes. *shudders* The story about the characters and how they became in involved with the monsters is completely unoriginal. The characters feel like their personalities came from the Official Book of Cliches. Kids might like this (emphasis on "might"), but parents definitely wouldn't. In other words: DON'T BUY CREEPY FREAKS.

Oh, one more thing: the new boat is huge. 31 feet long. And it wasn't a duck decoy, it was a small painted clay duck that looks like a drake mallard. I like it a lot anyway.

Okay... five days... college... I'm nervous... wish me luck. The end.

Posted by doubleoduck at 2:20 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, 28 August 2003 2:22 PM EDT

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Finally got home by train two days ago... and I've been pretty cranky these past two days. I got into more arguments with my aunt before I left, but fortunately we patched things up very quickly. I had drawn a picture for these two girls from Togo who were discussing staying with Eldest Aunt in the near future while they studied at college or high school. They were sisters who spoke French as their first language. One knew a whole lot more English than her sis, though.

Ever since I got home, I've been exercising more and eating less, and I've lost weight already. I visited Hunter, too. They have a special program for people like me with disabilities (in my case, emotional disabilities). I brought in a letter from my psychologist as proof I needed help. However, I have decided not to take any special services yet (like double-time on tests). I want to see if I actually need them first. Chatted with John again last night. He was actually on AIM a few minutes ago, but I was talking to someone on MSN messenger. I have to get in contact with another buddy I cut off last night from talking with John. I feel really bad about telling the guy I couldn't hold two convos at once-- the truth is, I can't!! Argh...

Mom and Stepfather are taking me to the new boat they bought while I was gone. It's called the Sea Dream. Our previous two boats were, consecutively, the Sea Breeze, and the Sea Wolf. They got bigger each time, and hopefully this will be the last boat. I'm getting tired of Stepfather wasting money. Hopefully I'll grow to love this new boat. Mom says it came with a duck decoy I can keep for myself, so there's a plus. ;)

Posted by doubleoduck at 5:16 PM EDT

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I'm in a very CatDog mood today! People may think it's the worst show on Nickelodeon, but I know better. It may not be the best show ever created, "But darn it, it's good enough for me!" (to quote Slinky Dog from Toy Story). I just visited a CatDog website (which I have appreciated for almost a year now), and now I'm bouncing off the walls. I created characters for the show two years ago... Tunya Felina and Biscuit Canino. I kept adding more characters, too: Screech Dubois, Lenny Dubois, Tiffany Cashmere, Roxanne, Brenda, Diana Pygg, Melanie Whistlestop, Salmone Felina, and Bones Canino.

Tunya Felina is a pop star who works for Rancid Records. Her rival is Biscuit Canino, who sings R & B for Rancid Records. Tunya and Biscuit hate each other with a passion and will stop at nothing to outdo one another. They've even been doing Battle of the Bands-type concerts in a tour across the country, and Nearburg is their next stop. Tunya is the daughter of Salmone Felina, a famous opera singer, and therefore has somewhat refined tastes. Biscuit is the daughter of Bones Canino, the gym teacher at Farburg School. Biscuit used to live in Poundburg, where she was the leader of a gang called the Poundburg Pups. Roxanne and Brenda were the other two members. Unfortunately, Biscuit's leadership was wrested from her when Tiffany Cashmere showed up with her boyfriend, Lenny Dubois (Shriek's estranged older brother), and she gets him to beat the bejeezus out of Biscuit. Tiff took over as the gang leader, and changed the gang's name to the Poundburg Pinks. Screech Dubois is another estranged sibling of Shriek (her sister), and she's the mother of Shriek's neice, Squeak. As to Melanie Whistlestop and Diana Pygg, let's just say they're potential girlfriends for Mervis and Dunglap and that they make a fine fried green tomato.

... I know, I have waaaay too much time on my hands.

Posted by doubleoduck at 3:24 PM EDT

Updated: Friday, 15 August 2003 3:32 PM EDT

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On Monday, I got into a horrible argument with Eldest Aunt... which led into physical violence... and I ended up biting her arm. I felt horrible for doing it only ten minutes later, when I was calming down in my room. Fortunately, I didn't break the skin, but I did bruise her. I still feel bad about it. She has forgiven me, though. She punished me with no TV or computer for one day. I know I deserved much, much worse punishment... if we were living in the 50's, she would have probably took out a belt and beat the living bejeezus outta me. But, my aunt isn't that kind of person. And we're living in the 21st century.

This isn't the first time I've acted so extreme. Maybe people love spoiling me, and that's why I don't get punished for things as severely as I ought to be. But I'd like to believe that God knows I'm trying to help my problems get solved and that I don't mean to react so badly. I was born with a chemical imbalance and I must deal with it. But why the hell does everyone else have to deal with it, too? Can you blame me for apologizing long after an event has happened, and calling myself stupid and terrible all the time? I seem to abuse myself a hell lot more than I do to other people.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not making myself look good by pointing all this out. At least, I hope that's not what I'm doing. Who doesn't have a chemical imbalance? It doesn't make me special. I have yet to meet one person who's "normal." The thing is, I'm highly spiritual and I take things to heart. In other words, my emotions are super-sensitive, making my reactions fierce and unintentionally dramatic. (I say unintentionally because a lot of people claim I'm a drama queen. I can assure you that all my emotions I convey are very much as powerful as they are expressed.) So if I see a gigantic cockroach on the floor, and I jump up onto a chair screaming, in a sense, I'm not overreacting. I actually do feel that way. I am very true in self-expression. That's why I'm so passionate about my artwork. That's why I blew up when those kids in ninth grade poured glue on one of my paintings... and demolished my paper mache' model I never got to finish because of their sadistic faggot-@$$es!! ... Ahem, sorry. Got carried away.

What got me angry with Auntie in the first place was that I thought she was mad at me for something, she told me it was nothing, and I didn't believe her. I allowed myself to get worked up over it, and things escalated to a point that shouldn't have come to pass. I have a hard time trusting others, even those I love the most, because of all the crap people have done to me. I almost always end up trusting the wrong people, and they hurt me badly. Let's see... my father used to beat me and yell at me when I was young, my stepmother gave me a fat lip in first grade, my older sister told my father a secret I trusted her not to tell that cost me any chances of having an actual loving relationship with my father, I've had people pretend to be my friend and then turn their backs on me with a vengeance, I've had people wreck my stuff and steal them or throw them away never to be recovered, I've been beaten up, I've had crap thrown at me, I've been laughed at, and I've been literally spit on.

Seriously, it's no wonder I have issues. If I have to go through this sh*t again in college, I swear I might kill myself. Okay, maybe not... I really don't know what I'd do, though.

There's a WAIT performance on Saturday. I hope I'll be able to make my final performance with them a good one. And I hope to patch things up with the other WAIT members for the way I've been acting with them. God give me strength, please...

Posted by doubleoduck at 10:32 AM EDT

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Hee-hee, I just had to quote that from "Shrek." Mainly cuz there may not be an arrow in my butt, but there is a mosquito bite on it. It's a really big bump, ouch! Good thing I can still sit! LOL

Speaking of Shrek, they're releasing "Shrek 2" next year! YAY! I loved the first movie, so the second will be really good, I can feel it. Not even today's movie writers who crank out sequel after sequel these days can ruin Shrek. If you wanna hear what details I've gathered on this sequel, keep reading. If not, skip to the next paragraph now . . . you still here? Okay, but remember, there are *spoilers* ahead! So anyway, Shrek and Fiona were married at the end of the first flick, so now they're settled in Shrek's swamp house when they receive a letter from Fiona's parents, the King and Queen of the land Far, Far Away, a fairy-tale equivalent to Hollywood. They think Fiona married Prince Charming, the son of Cinderella's Fairy Godmother, and not a 700 lb. ogre with bad hygiene. They also have no idea that Fiona is also an ogre now. So Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey head off to the land Far, Far Away in their onion carriage while the Gingerbread Man and various few others watch after the house. Of course, the King and Queen receive one hell of a surprise. The King is especially unhappy about this, and he hires Puss in Boots to kill Shrek so that Fiona can marry Prince Charming. But Puss in Boots is persuaded to help Shrek win the favor of Fiona's parents... by having Shrek and Donkey drink Happily Ever After Potion, which turns the two of them into "beautiful" versions of themselves! Pretty exciting huh? My only concern is that the original writers of the first Shrek flick didn't get to work on the sequel, so I hope that doesn't screw things up.

My mom and Eldest Auntie are not too keen on the idea of me speaking to John Kricfalusi on the telephone. Apparently they don't like the thought of a man in his 40's talking to an 18 year-old. I can't say that I blame them (and I don't) but it makes me upset that they might be getting in the way of what could be my big break. That, and I truly want to be friends with John. I mean, he's a really, really cool guy! I hardly think he would try anything that would tarnish his reputation. The faith his fans have in him are one of the main supporting beams that keep Spumco (and "Ren and Stimpy") going.

Anyway... there might be only 11 days left until I go back to New York. Then I can really get working on Flapping Terror and Mario's World Online (yes, both of those sites are mine). I really miss Mom and Stepfather.

Female DWD Villains I've Designed

Jill Featherton, a.k.a. "Pretty Poison" : With touch alone can physically affect victims with concentrated negative energy; she can turn a freshly cut rose into a dry, blackened mass with a finger and a thought.

Posted by doubleoduck at 12:49 PM EDT

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I exploded again last night. I was under a lot of pressure for various reasons, and I kept telling the WAIT members that I was unfit to be a member of the team with all my problems; because it wasn't just me who had to deal with it, with my powerful emotions, everyone had to. Fortunately I managed to calm down and enjoy the rest of the evening. But now I'm worried about what WAIT thinks of me. Perhaps I should put more energy into WAIT instead of worry so much. Yeah, that would be the logical thing to do.

A psychic once told me I have psychic abilities of my own, due to my connection with the Spirit World thru my twin sister, Lena. It may sound like cock and bull to the general masses, but I believe it. I've been practicing my abilities since that time (as I was told they were underdeveloped). The psychic said my specific ability was foretelling the future, but I believe I have a few other powers as well. For example, a few minutes ago I asked to feel the energy surrounding my aunt, who is at work at the moment. From what I could feel, she has a lot on her mind and is currently performing a lot of tasks... but that's all I know. Then again, if I wanted to be specific, and this is just a shot in the dark, but she may have been feeling a negative thought and then went to work on her computer. I'll ask her about these things occuring between 9:20 and 9:30.

I discovered my ability to feel auras of energy when I went to Barrytown. STF is a Unification Church program, and at the end of the day we all joined in a huge circle, and after a song and group prayer we went into individual prayer. I asked God to let me feel the energy in the room. With so many people praying, there was a High energy that took me over. My eyes were closed, so no one saw them roll into the back of my head, nor did they see me shake ever so slightly. Tears formed in my eyes. It took a LOT of will power to tell it to stop. It was an incredible feeling though. It started out small, and then it gradually grew to an overpowering size. My Aunt warned me not to do that again in company where there may be negative energy, as it may hurt me. I'll keep it in mind for certain.

Posted by doubleoduck at 9:40 AM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, 6 August 2003 9:47 AM EDT

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