Are multiple entries in the same day allowed?

Meh, who the hell cares? It's my blog, I'll do what I want. Anyway... I've read my first entry over and over... and I've realized that I'm being a total jerk to my sisters. But I won't change my attitude towards Dad and Stepmom. Just because I'm scared of them, though, doesn't mean I should hurt my sisters in the process. I'm going away this Saturday to my Eldest Aunt's house, so I'll send them a letter from there.

I'm joining a AIDS awareness volunteer program, BTW. That's why I'm off to Eldest Aunt's. Her daughter (my Female Cousin) has a friend whose mother is in charge of it. My Female Cousin's friend is half Irish (from her mom), and half Japanese (from her dad). That's quite a combination! I've met Female Cousin's friend before, and forgive my being poetic, but she's a rare jewel, indeed. Then again, so is Female Cousin. Her father is my Norweigian Uncle. I think Female Cousin is a lot prettier than I am, to be honest. She's half Norweigian, and what am I? A mutt. Both sides of my family come from many different places, including but not limited to: Russia, Germany, former Czechslovakia, France, Scotland... I can't think of any more. There are a LOT more, trust me.

You know what I don't like? The fact that many people consider being Jewish to be only a religion. That is far from the truth. It's a whole frickin' culture! Yes, I happen to have Jewish blood... from my father's side, so I wouldn't be considered a real Jew. Plus I don't go to a synagogue. But I still consider myself to be Jewish, mainly because I respect those people so highly. Jews are the most oppressed and pushed around people in history, ever since Ancient Egypt, and even before that!! And yet, we're still here. I only have one thing against the Jewish faith, though... the whole bloodline through the mother thing. It was because of that rule that my Twin Sister (hereafter referred to as Lena) couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetary. They did, however, plant a tree in their honor for "Cousin Lena." I have yet to visit this tree. I haven't visited Lena's gravesite in a long while, either.

There used to be a florist nearby the graveyard where Lena was buried. It's gone now, long replaced by houses. But I still remember it. Mom and I used to go there all the time to get Lena some carnations and baby's breath. (Kind of ironic... reminds me of Carnation baby formula, and the fact that Lena lost her baby's breath that she discontinued living.) Yeesh, now I'm starting to get morbid here. I'm reminding myself of Edward Gorey's "Gashlycrumb Tinies" and Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events," both of which I happen to own and love.

Here's the text from The Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey, otherwise titled, "After the Outing." Though you really ought to buy the book, as it has morbidly amusing illustrations that will tickle your funny bone (not to mention any hidden sadistic tendencies, bwahahaha).

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs
B is for Basil assaulted by bears
C is for Clara who wasted away
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech
G is for George smothered under a rug
H is for Hector done in by a thug
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake
J is for James who took lye by mistake
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea
N is for Neville who died of ennui
O is for Olive run through with an awl
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire
S is for Susan who perished of fits
T is for Titus who flew into bits
U is for Una who slipped down a drain
V is for Victor squashed under a train
W is for Winnie embedded in ice
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

"Gorey" is an appropriate name for the this guy, apparently.

A little about me
(The following profile template was based on one from the Character Corner forum at greatwarriors.net, the website of artist / author Tracy Pierce and her friend Darrin Breault.)

Name: Melissa E.M.
Title (if applicable): Evil Mastermind, Lover of Cartoon Characters to the Point of Obsession and / or Perversion.
Age: 18 years and five days old.
Species: Human, but if I could be anthropomorphic animal instead, I'd be a duck, a cat, or a dog.
Birthday: June 19, 1985
Sign: Sun - Gemini, Moon - Cancer
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 186 lbs.
Hair: Brown and curly.
Eyes: Brown.
Home: New York, USA
Normal Attire: T-shirt and blue jeans.
Overall Appearance: Overweight, but very pretty (or so I'd like to think).
Nickname(s): Melissa Mario Sister
Love Interest: N/A
Marital Status: Single, but not looking just yet.
Family: Mom, Stepfather, two stepbrothers, Dad, Stepmother, three half-sisters, one set of grandparents, a mess of uncles, a few aunts, and six cousins.
Friends: Not many in RL.
Enemies: None at the moment.
Likes: People with a sense of humor, creativity, an open mind, or any combination of the three; horror and animation flicks; cartoons; ducks; philosophy; psychology.
Dislikes: People who are too serious or aren't serious enough; people who like abusing me on a regular basis; people who ignore me or my needs; people who think I don't have a heart; people with no imagination; racism and prejudice; people who aren't good conversationalists.
Hobbies/Pastimes: Surfing the Internet, working on my websites, watching and overanalyzing cartoons, drawing, writing, typing, playing and overanalyzing video games, eating, cooking, trying new things, having fun with life.
Special Abilities: May possess minor psychic abilties. (Call me crazy, but it's true.)
Lover or Fighter?: A little of both-- I fight for love, and at times, I love to fight.
Temper: Pretty bad; I'm irritated easily.
Themesong(s): "Dancing Queen" by ABBA.
Favorite Food: Pasta, soup, pizza, cake, ice-cream, skirt steak, mashed potatoes, ramen noodles, seafood, cinnamon pancakes, soft-baked chocolate chip cookies, chocolate milk, Hershey's Cookies and Cream Milkshakes, dark chocolate, Mounds and Almond Joy bars, marshmallows.
Music: Classic Rock.
Color(s): Red, Blue, Green, Purple.
Flower: Rose.
Animals: Ducks, cats, dogs.
Personality: I'm like two people in one-- one side of me is a naive, bratty, loving child; the other side is a lonely adult of above-average intelligence who's frightened of her own shadow.
What makes you like this?: Maybe it's because I'm a Gemini... and I used to have a twin sister. She died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) at three months old. I think her spirit is still present and has an influence on me... creepy. O_o
Quotes: "Whatever."
"'Allo!"
"Shut up!"
"Leave me alone!"
"Eee. EEE!"
"Yesh."
"Yeesh!"
"I'm sorry!"
Anything else?: I hope you'll grow to like me. I'm not really as bad as I look... :(

First entry ever, and hopefully not the last

I've tried before to create blogs, with little success. Hopefully, this will turn out to be the blog for me.

Let's see, where to begin... I just turned eighteen (June 19th being my birthday), and only days before that I broke up with my boyfriend. We had been dating for over a month, and we had been through a lot in such short time. He works for the UN, so he was always very busy. But it got to a point where he just wouldn't contact me at all. I think that he thinks I did something wrong to him... he was kind of shaken up from his last girlfriend, who turned out to be the exact opposite of what she said she was. He became somewhat paranoid after that. He once thought, after we started dating, that I had reposted my personals ad without his knowledge, simply because the girl looked a whole lot like me. I can't begin to tell you how upset I was that he didn't trust me. But when he stopped contacting me, I started not to trust him.

Finally, I managed to catch him on AIM. Every time I typed, he would start to type, but then he'd end up saying nothing. I eventually got really pissed off and told him I was breaking up with him. I demanded that he speak to me, but he just sat there. Finally, I told him off and got off AIM. Then I called him on his cell phone, left a rather angry message, and threw away his number in the trash.

I admit that I didn't handle things in a mature manner at all. But I had every right to be upset since I didn't know what the heck was going on. The guy promised me a future with him, and he cowarded out. I wasn't necessarily looking for a guy who wanted to get married and have kids, but I was interested in a guy who wanted those things in the future... and he promised me those things... I should have seen that as a red flag from the beginning. Actually, I saw a few red flags with him, and I didn't want to admit it, because he seemed to be so in love with me that I couldn't help but love him back. Of course, I loved him for many other things, too. But the main reason I loved him was because he was one of the few people who loved me for everything I was. I doubt I'll find another person like that, but I'll keep hoping. The fact is, his lifestyle (i.e., his job) inhibited his ability to uphold a healthy relationship with me. In other words, I don't think he was ready for a girlfriend.

I don't get along with my father, either. Dad used to hit me and yell at me when I was a kid, when I was still living with him. Shortly after he had divorced my mother, he remarried to my current stepmother. My relationship with the two have them has been extremely rocky, even after I moved in with my mother at age eight. I admit that I am still angry with Dad for what he did, but I am even more so with the way he continues to hurt me-- he never calls, or writes... he doesn't seem to be interested in my life at all. Then he turns around and yells at us that he does happen to care, and nobody wants to tell him what's going on. He's actually sort of right about that. With his temperament, who the hell wants to deal with him?! He's happy one minute, and a raging bull the next. Plus, he's been using my half-sisters, his daughters with my stepmom, as bargaining chips in my relationship with them. "Be nice to them," he says, "and I'll be nice to you."

What the hell does he mean, "be nice?!" I AM nice! Though I have to admit, I've been pretty bad about not contacting my half-sisters. I don't even send them cards for their birthdays. That's what my Dad means, actually. I don't even know when their birthdays are. Truth be told, I'm a pathetic older sister. I'm not very close to them anyway, because they have mental problems-- autism, I believe-- and I feel I'll never understand them, nor them me. I love them, but I have so many personal problems on my plate right now that I simply cannot accept Dad or them or their mother as a part of my life right now, especially since they're all so difficult to deal with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not making excuses for myself so I don't keep in touch with my sisters. Well... maybe I am, really. But I'm not lying about my feelings. I'd love to be a better sister, and I want to try. But there's a part of me that says, "Don't bother. Their parents hate you, anyway. They hate the fact that you wish they would change. If they don't want to change, why should you change?" But even then I know that taking on that attitude is only hurting my sisters. God, I want to do the right thing, but at this point I have no f*****g idea what that is.