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feathered femme fatale
Saturday, 18 October 2003
Dreams of the Fearsome Five

I often find myself having dreams about the Fearsome Five (from Darkwing Duck). In January, I had a dream about Negaduck...

I was in Saint Canard, somewhere close to Audubon Bay bridge, and I had a beautiful view of it. (It might have been near Megavolt's lighthouse.) I suddenly find a newspaper on the ground and pick it up. There is an article on a side column, on the front page, about a duck who went psycho five years ago, and there was even a photo of him. He had a mask, and with his expression he looked remarkably like Negaduck! (For some strange reason, he had dark hair.) I put the newspaper down to see Negs himself, with Quackerjack and Megavolt. Negs confirmed to me that he was the guy in the picture. He had gone "looney" before he hit the streets as a criminal. But that doesn't explain the whole Negaverse thing, as I realized later.

Last week, I had a dream about Liquidator...

I was in a strange shop with my Dad, Stepmother, and my two younger sisters. I was looking through t-shirts and old newspapers they were selling. The newspapers seemed to have cartoon drawings on every page, and the t-shirts had cartoons on them as well. The drawings in the papers and the t-shirts had gay sexual themes, often explicit. (Many of the t-shirts had Ninja Turtles on them, O_o) I was flipping thru the newspapers, and I saw what would be best described as a "classic" version of Licky. He was a 40's style cartoon dog who lived underwater. In the pictures he was in, he was "servicing" other male characters, in groups.

I had a dream last night about Megavolt, too...

Megavolt travels to another dimension to discover that his other-dimensional self is a corporate head who is worshipped like a god - so much so, in fact, that several national monuments and landmarks honoring others had been torn down or damaged, most notably, Mount Rushmore. For some reason, this upsets Megavolt greatly, and he sobs while curled up in a fetal position. Suddenly, he is greeted by another version of himself from a slightly different dimension. This version of himself is very cheerful, often speaking in a higher-pitched voice, and for some reason he's wearing a thin red line of lipstick. "Happy" Megavolt cheers our Megsy up and helps him find the Megavolt of the dimension they're currently in. They find him rather quickly... and I don't know what happens after that. I don't even know if any issues presented had been resolved. All I know is that our Megsy eventually went home, waving goodbye to both of his other selves.

I don't remember when I had this dream about Bushroot, but...

This one was particularly nasty. Bushy wasn't a mutant in this one... actually, he was mid-mutant. He looked like his "normal" self with the purple petals on his head from his "mutant" self. For some reason, Darkwing and Gosalyn had arrived at Bushroot's greenhouse, and Bushroot was... do forgive me for this... giddily masturbating to girly magazines, right in front of them. Darkwing had to cover poor Gosalyn's eyes... O_o;

As to any dreams with Quackerjack, I remember having dreams where he appeared on magazine covers, and as a talking doll, and he might have appeared as a wooden decoration at some Disney thing... but that's all I can remember, aside from his appearance in my Negaduck dream. I do know that he's the Fearsome Five member I dream about the most.

Wanna hear a different dream I had? I saw Webbigail Vanderquack (from DuckTales) and... get ready for this... her MOTHER! They were at Disney World, or something that resembled it... if anything it was a very twisted version of a Disney theme park. They even had a rave spot there where if you went, you had to wear razor blades to protect yourself from harmful people.

But back to Webby's mother. She looked like a regular duck (and I mean a Donald Duck-style body when I say that) with long black hair, wearing sunglasses, and she had a dressy brown coat on over her equally dressy outfit. Her clothing style reminded me of my own mother somewhat... but I'm definitely sure that this was Webby's mother in my dream.

My dreams are ka-way-zee!

Posted by doubleoduck at 10:36 AM EDT
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Friday, 17 October 2003
I'm f***ing mad as hell.

I'm so goddamn upset right now you have no idea. I want to cut someone's throat open and watch them bleed to death. I want to crush someone's skull with a sledgehammer and step in their brain matter. And the weird f***ing part is that I have no idea why.

Okay, I got my two metal squares removed from my mouth. I'm getting lamninates for my teeth because they're so damn tiny. They look like baby teeth.

I swear I feel like Negaduck today. I want to rip someone's heart out and ground it into pate'. I want to rip out someone's spine and use it as a back scratcher. I want to tear out someone's small intestine and use it as a jumprope, then use it to hang the person by their neck.

Back to another anger distraction: I am having trouble at school emotional-wise, and it's interfering with my work. I'd rather die than drop out or fail a class, though.

I want to KILL someone. AAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I got my teeth cleaned weeks earlier and saw the dentist do yoga with one of his assistants on the floor of the waiting room. I just tried to draw and ignored the weirdness.

I'm listening to ACDC right now. How appropriate. First "Hell's Bells," then "Highway to Hell," "Money Talks," "Stiff Upper Lip," "Thunderstruck," and "TNT." "Highway to Hell," "Money Talks," and Thunderstruck" are three of my favorites. I wonder if Negaduck would like ACDC.

I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell...

Now that I think about it... "TNT" would be great for Negaduck or Quackerjack. They love blowing things up. More so for Negsy, though. "Money Talks" would be Liquidator's favorite. "Thunderstruck" obviously for Megavolt.

Maybe I should start a song section at Flapping Terror...

Nobody's joining my Bushroot contest at Flapping Terror, save for two or three people. I announced it two days ago. People can't read... I said they don't have to draw, that they could write instead, and they don't read the rules thoroughly. Maybe I should redesign the page so people get the message more clearly. Or bang my head against the keyboard because I'm so frustrated.


I feel sorta better now, but now my head hurts. Damn it... >_<

I'm going f***ing crazy.

Posted by doubleoduck at 5:45 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 17 October 2003 5:47 PM EDT
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Sunday, 5 October 2003
Coming together? Hopefully.

Well, I left Dad a message yesterday that something had happened to meon Wednesday, but I wasn't specific about it. He wasn't sure who I wanted to talk to, so Eldest Sister called me to check on me and say hello. I told her what happened, and she told Dad later.

Eldest Sister is 22 and currently divorced. Guess what happened to her ex-husband? (A) He's a bus driver now, and (B) He just came out of the closet. Yes, my ex-brother-in-law is gay. I would have never guessed! He even has a boyfriend now! Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for gay people. I even enjoy yaoi. But I was laughing my @$$ off for ten minutes straight when Eldest Sister told me this. She says she's gonna write a book: "My Life and My Gay Ex-Husband." Seriously, her life is a weird one. It would make an entertaining piece of literature, methinks.

Anyway, Dad and I have been exchanging e-mails since yesterday. I've decided he's not going to change his ways, and that I'm wasting my time concentrating on all the bad stuff he did, no matter how much those things affected me. If I concentrate on developing a better relationship with him now, things would be a lot better between us. I'm apprehensive about dealing with Stepmother, though. I'm still angry at her. Hopefully, that will change when my relationship with Dad grows better.

Posted by doubleoduck at 10:15 AM EDT
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Friday, 3 October 2003
I fuggin' hate hospitals....

I was in the hospital two days ago.

I had gone to school on my day off (Wednesday) in order to complete a research lab I signed up for. I caught a late bus, and when I realized I was going to be late, I started crying. The bus driver and a woman tried to help me calm down, but the bus driver was doing more harm than good with his well-meant comments. I must have reacted in some way to this, because when he let the woman off, he made a joke to her about crying. I asked him why he had to say that, and he said, "Well, I wouldn't have if you hadn't been so rude when we were trying to help you." I know I was certainly NOT rude. I might have raised my voice a bit from frustration, but I was not intentionally being nasty. The fact that he so much as suggested that made me angry. I got off his bus in a huff and arrived ten minutes late at the school. I went to the right building, and the right floor, but when I went looking for the room for the lab, I realized that I had forgotten where it was. When some adults came by and asked me what was wrong, I started bawling. I was eventually guided to Student Services, where the Dean and one of my assigned counselours tried to help me. I was a completely emotional mess. I wouldn't stop crying. Finally, I consented to being taken to a hospital across town.

I did go home that night, but I haven't gone back to school this week since that incident. Mom and my stepfather are out of town for the next few days, so I'm home alone, trying to get over what happened. I'm not as upset as I was, but I'm still a bit apprehensive and depressed...

Posted by doubleoduck at 5:24 PM EDT
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Monday, 22 September 2003
You eediot!

What Ren & Stimpy Character Are You?

This is from Rudiger's personality quiz for Ren and Stimpy fans! I'm Ren, yay! He's my favorite. :)

Posted by doubleoduck at 8:05 AM EDT
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Friday, 19 September 2003

I have more of a reason to be depressed now. Mom and Stepfather are fighting again. Mom thinks Stepfather was talking to a woman on the Internet or something, while Stepfather was actually talking to his brother. My Mom constantly goes on edge whenever she thinks Stepfather is cheating on her. It's really sick because he loves her too much to cheat, and no matter how many times he shows it, she gets pissed off, the two of them start cursing and yelling and driving me up the goddamn wall...

You know what, someone put a damn bullet through my brain, because I'm sick of this bullsh*t!!!

My mom came up to my door just now and knocked on it really loudly since my door is usually kept locked. She told me to open the door, but I get scared of her when she's angry. I told her I wouldn't open the door while she was angry and she stormed off. She's probably cursing Stepfather out again.

You know what? I f***ing hate my family. My mother's side is full of eccentrics, and my father's side is full of people with issues. Well, at least my father's immediate family has issues. I have yet to meet my dad's brother and his family. You know what, screw them too! They haven't see me since I was a goddamn baby, so screw them!!

Why the hell is my family so f***ing messed up, anyway?! What the bloody hell did I do in my former life to deserve this family???!!!

Posted by doubleoduck at 8:44 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 19 September 2003 8:51 PM EDT
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Wowie zowie...

Crap and a half! It's been almost two weeks since my last entry! Well, school's been going alright, I guess. I haven't really made any friends, but I get along okay with other students. I've been a bit slacking in my schoolwork, too. I plan to amend that quickly. The sixteenth was my twin sister Lena's death day anniversary. I had an incident in English class because of it. Thankfully, I was outside the classroom when I broke down. I was sent to the student services office by Prof. Rosen, who was very helpful and kind. Unfortunately, because Prof. Rosen is also teaching my ORSEM (orientation seminar) class, the ORSEM counselor for my section wants to see me in her office on Monday.

Earlier this week, I took one two sedative pills before history class (they're prescribed by my psychiatrist) and I fell asleep several times. That's been cleared up, though... not much more to say... I feel very depressed for some reason... :(

Posted by doubleoduck at 5:39 PM EDT
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Sunday, 7 September 2003
More yard sale madness

I forgot to mention yesterday that I had gone to a yard sale the day before that, too. Here's what I bought:

  • Color-changing markers
  • Two ceramic shoes (one blue, one yellow)
  • A Halloween music CD for kids (I was forced to throw it away because it was scratched and the music choice was poor)
  • A Halloween sticker book (you have to rip the damn stickers out)
  • Harold and the Purple Crayon: Harold at the North Pole
  • Two Tom Clancy novels
  • One John Grisham novel
  • A big children's dictionary for my sisters

    Have to go, Mom's going to help me finally hook up my printer...

    Posted by doubleoduck at 9:37 AM EDT
  • Saturday, 6 September 2003
    Super Ice-Cream Lucky! ^o^

    Yesterday's classes went fine and dandy. I'm almost done with all my homework due Monday and Tuesday. It's mostly reading, anyway.

    Anyway, let me explain the above title for this entry: I wanted a FrozFruit bar from the West Building's ice-cream machine. Instead of giving me one strawberry bar, it gave me two! TWO! I couldn't think of what else to do with the second bar, so I ate it. I could have given it to someone else, but it was morning yet and only someone as crazy as me would have wanted ice-cream that early. -_-;

    Today was shweet. I went to two different yard / garage sales and got some kewl stuff: a squeaky Pac-Man toy from 1982, a stuffed-toy Mew keychain, a Twilight Zone comic book, a semi-cheap action figure of Venus di Milo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation, and a plastic replica of one of Raphael's sai. I also went to BJ's with Mom and got three books by Gary Paulsen (The Hatchet and its sequel were great when I was kid!), plus three action figures from the new TMNT series!!

    The TMNT figures from BJ's were sold in a three-pac, titled "Shredder's Revenge Set." It came with Leonardo, Donatello, and Shred-head himself. I got them mainly out of sentimental value. You see, I used to own a crapload of TMNT figures based on the original TV show when I was little. But then Dad took them away from me, saying they were his because he bought them and I didn't. Real sensitive fella, huh? Idiot did the same damn thing to my Disney Adventure magazines. Good thing I took the ones I wanted from his house before I stopped talking to him.

    Anyway, my new Turtles figures, including Venus, are sitting on my bookshelf. The Set ones are sitting in a display that came with the box. It's made of cardboard and the inside looks like Shredder's lair. I intend on getting the other set at BJ's, which has Michelangelo (my favorite turtle), Raphael, and a Foot Soldier. It's $15, so it may take a while for me to get it, seeing as I have no job (no time, no talent). I have asked Mom to help me buy a new set of shelves, though. That's to help me display all my little toys and stuff. I've got a lot of them because (A) I'm a spoiled brat and (B) I'm a pack-rat. :P

    I'm thinking of submitting a guest review to about the Pac-Man toy I bought. If they accept guest reviews, anyway. They like reviewing 80's crap and stuff. Plus I love that website; it's so freakin' funny as hell. I'm probably going to visit it once I'm done with this entry.

    I rejoined the Clock Crew today, which is a group on of Flash movie-makers. I can't make Flash, but I love the Crew. I had joined a long time ago, but then I got distracted and didn't speak with them for a while. I reannounced myself today on their BBS at, although I didn't receive much enthusiasm at all. I'm not that surprised as I wasn't around for very long at all to begin with, but it's kind of a let-down too because most of them regarded me as unimportant. Like they were snobby or some sh*t. I was somewhat disillusioned by this because I thought they weren't like that at all. :( Ah, screw it. Since when does anybody REALLY like me, anyway? Not even in real life, man. I must really suck or something...

    Posted by doubleoduck at 6:59 PM EDT
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    Friday, 5 September 2003
    So far...

    Well, the first day actually went smoothly. I have no Wednesday classes, so Thursday was my second day, and that went alright even though I spent all afternoon buying all the books for my classes. I got home around 6:00.

    I'm only missing one book, and that's for my English class today. Hopefully Prof. Rosen will understand that the book wasn't in the Hunter Bookstore nor in the Shakespeare and Company bookstore at 69th St. and Lexington. I'm also hoping no one else has the book either; that way I won't look irresponsible, which I wasn't in this case.

    Apparently students from Marymount also purchase their books from Shakespeare and Company. My high school medical illustration teacher, Mr. Pakter, made a big deal about that school. His best female students end up there. Too bad I'm not interested in being hit on by boys from West Point. Stepfather's Younger Son almost went to West Point, but he's now in Citadel. I think he's nuts, honestly.

    I've been babysitting a nine week-old puppy named Sunny (short for Sunshine). She's been a pain in the tail. She whines, barks, and bites, plus she has to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. She's supposed to go home today via my mother. I hope that's still the plan. But Sunny is still a very cute and loveable pup. She's a beagle-terrier mix, a natural-born explorer.

    Anyway, I have to go. I have to take Sunny out in the yard again and make sure I have everything ready for today's class. Bye!

    Posted by doubleoduck at 8:17 AM EDT
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